I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
