I can text with my tongue
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
