This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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