i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
