I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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