So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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