Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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