STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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