If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
