You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
