Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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