I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
