that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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