I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
