The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i dont even know how to be here
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
