Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
