she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
