I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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