I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
