what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
