The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
