I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
