it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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