It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
