he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
