she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
