So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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