Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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