do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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