she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
