yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
