Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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