all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
