Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
