I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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