Buhtt sex?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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