my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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