The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
