Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
