i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need to calm my uterus...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
