dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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