Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
