mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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