Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
