It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I intend to get homeless drunk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
