if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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