Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
