There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
