i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Randomize
