she was so not down for the gang bang
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
