It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
