on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dicks are not precious.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
