I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
