An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
