Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
