Too much gin, very little bucket
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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